1 00:00:31,491 --> 00:00:35,201 If someone had asked me, when I reached my 50s, to assess my life, 2 00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:38,538 I'd have said I'd achieved a decent measure of fulfilment, 3 00:00:38,665 --> 00:00:40,995 both personally and professionally. 4 00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:44,205 Beyond that, I would say, "I don't choose to delve." 5 00:00:44,337 --> 00:00:48,377 Not that I was afraid of uncovering some dark side of my character. 6 00:00:48,508 --> 00:00:53,468 But I always feel, if something seems to be working, leave it alone. 7 00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,766 My name is Marion Post. 8 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:58,390 I'm Director of Undergraduate Studies in Philosophy 9 00:00:58,518 --> 00:01:00,398 at a very fine women's college, 10 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:05,020 although right now I'm on leave of absence to begin writing a book. 11 00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:08,699 My husband is a very accomplished physician, a cardiologist, 12 00:01:08,820 --> 00:01:11,610 who some years ago examined my heart, 13 00:01:11,739 --> 00:01:13,779 liked what he saw and proposed. 14 00:01:13,908 --> 00:01:16,078 It's the second marriage for both of us, 15 00:01:16,202 --> 00:01:18,252 and he brought to it a 16-year-old daughter 16 00:01:18,371 --> 00:01:21,671 who lives with his former wife but visits us frequently. 17 00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:25,171 She's a sweet girl who can be a little undisciplined at times, 18 00:01:25,295 --> 00:01:28,755 and I've tried to take her under my wing as best I can. 19 00:01:29,382 --> 00:01:31,802 I also have a married brother. 20 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:36,056 My mother died recently, but my dad's still alive and healthy. 21 00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:41,234 Not much else to say, except normally I write at home, 22 00:01:41,352 --> 00:01:44,312 but construction noise next door has become so terrible, 23 00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:48,029 I subleased a one-room flat downtown as an office. 24 00:01:48,818 --> 00:01:52,318 A new book is always a very demanding project, 25 00:01:52,447 --> 00:01:55,327 and it requires that I really shut myself off 26 00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:58,200 from everything but the work. 27 00:03:04,435 --> 00:03:09,645 As I settled down to work that first morning, a strange thing occurred. 28 00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:18,197 Something about him just got to a deeper thing in me. 29 00:03:19,075 --> 00:03:24,155 So this was my... my big experience with another man. My first one. 30 00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:30,667 And I've never been able to get it out of my mind. I still have fantasies about it, 31 00:03:31,337 --> 00:03:33,837 which are sort of bugging me. 32 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,973 What do you mean, "fantasies"? 33 00:03:39,095 --> 00:03:43,515 Well, sometimes when I'm masturbating, or when I'm just... 34 00:03:45,268 --> 00:03:48,688 Well, sometimes when I'm... when I'm working, 35 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,900 I find myself thinking about Giles. 36 00:03:54,527 --> 00:03:58,237 And, uh, it's not that I'm not attracted to my wife any more. 37 00:03:58,364 --> 00:04:04,254 I mean, I still am. I really am physically moved by her, and other women, but... 38 00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:07,750 While eavesdropping on the intimate revelations 39 00:04:07,874 --> 00:04:11,094 of a psychiatrist's office might be fascinating to some people, 40 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:15,090 it was not exactly what I had in mind when I rented the place. 41 00:04:15,214 --> 00:04:17,934 Well, um... 42 00:04:19,886 --> 00:04:23,716 I don't really have to use him like a piece of pornography... 43 00:04:31,898 --> 00:04:35,608 I worked hard all day, and the work came very slowly. 44 00:04:35,735 --> 00:04:38,985 Beginning a book is always the most difficult part for me, 45 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:42,243 and by late afternoon I'd become tired. 46 00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:47,536 I lay my head down and closed my eyes, and I guess I dozed off. 47 00:04:47,663 --> 00:04:50,713 I don't know exactly how long I was asleep, 48 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:53,803 but one of the pillows must have slipped down off the vent, 49 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:57,510 because I gradually became aware again of a voice. 50 00:04:57,632 --> 00:05:03,302 It was a woman's voice, and it was such an anguished, heart-wrenching sound 51 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:06,719 that I was totally arrested by its sadness. 52 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:12,555 I just know that I woke up during the middle of the night. 53 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:18,360 And time passed, and there were strange shadows. 54 00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:23,985 I began having troubling thoughts about my life. 55 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:29,000 Like there was something about it not real. 56 00:05:30,957 --> 00:05:33,457 Full of deceptions. 57 00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:36,134 That these... these deceptions 58 00:05:36,254 --> 00:05:39,514 had become so... so many, 59 00:05:39,632 --> 00:05:42,512 and so much a part of me now, 60 00:05:42,635 --> 00:05:46,135 that I couldn't even tell who I really was. 61 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:50,770 And suddenly I began to perspire. 62 00:05:51,978 --> 00:05:56,068 I sat up in bed with my heart just pounding. 63 00:05:56,899 --> 00:05:59,989 And I looked at my husband next to me, 64 00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:04,413 and it was as if he... he was a stranger. 65 00:06:05,992 --> 00:06:09,122 And I turned on the light and I woke him up, 66 00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:12,205 and I asked him to hold me. 67 00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:19,092 And only after a long time, did I finally get my bearings. 68 00:06:20,673 --> 00:06:23,223 But for one moment, earlier, 69 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:26,892 it was as if a curtain had parted, 70 00:06:27,013 --> 00:06:29,933 and I could see myself clearly. 71 00:06:30,892 --> 00:06:33,732 But I was afraid of what I saw. 72 00:06:36,022 --> 00:06:39,112 And what I had to look forward to. 73 00:06:40,109 --> 00:06:41,779 And I wondered... 74 00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:46,869 I wondered about ending everything. 75 00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:31,120 Please, please. 76 00:07:31,243 --> 00:07:37,123 It is with a mixture of some joy, but mostly paralysing anxiety... 77 00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:42,094 ...that I hereby plunge into the big five-o. 78 00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:50,009 I was, uh, I was fine till last week. 79 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:55,430 Then my son said to me, "Gee, Dad, don't your options begin running out?" 80 00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,556 He's very funny, my son. 81 00:08:04,110 --> 00:08:07,360 Marion, I was telling Lydia about your little adventure today. 82 00:08:07,488 --> 00:08:10,488 - Oh, yes. - Those new buildings are built so thin. 83 00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:14,036 - No, this is an old brownstone. - Well, there's no privacy left. 84 00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:18,001 Last week, Lydia and I were at home. It was a Sunday morning... 85 00:08:18,124 --> 00:08:21,294 - Mark... - This is true. And we started kissing... 86 00:08:21,419 --> 00:08:24,919 - Mark! - And next thing we were on the floor... 87 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:28,257 - Are you crazy? He's drunk. - I was having her on the kitchen floor. 88 00:08:28,384 --> 00:08:31,394 The living room floor, the living room floor. 89 00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:35,142 - I gotta admit, it was a surprise. - Did it not happen that way? 90 00:08:35,266 --> 00:08:40,226 So the door opens, and the superintendent, he has the key... 91 00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:44,034 - Oh, no. - Barges in. Some kind of plumbing leak. 92 00:08:44,150 --> 00:08:46,400 And we are in flagrante delicto. 93 00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:50,197 You know what he does? He gets up, stark naked, and says "Mr Banducci, 94 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:53,532 "this is not the pipe that needs fixing." 95 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:57,619 That was quick, Ken. Could you have come up with anything that quick? 96 00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:00,537 - No. - That was grace under pressure. 97 00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,706 - Did he laugh? - Oh, no. 98 00:09:02,835 --> 00:09:05,875 He turned very red and he crossed himself. 99 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,680 Sad. 100 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:17,769 One good thing about becoming 50. You don't have to do it again. 101 00:09:24,607 --> 00:09:26,107 I know. 102 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,573 It's Laura. She had another fight with her mother, wants to sleep at our place. 103 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:33,196 It's not fair to Kathy. 104 00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:38,245 Well, you tell her, cos once again I can't get through to my daughter. 105 00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:41,080 I know. Just... hold on a minute. 106 00:09:41,207 --> 00:09:43,877 Will you talk to Marion? OK. 107 00:09:45,878 --> 00:09:48,668 Laura? This is not a good habit to get into. 108 00:09:48,798 --> 00:09:52,888 You know your mother's high-strung. She's just gonna get frantic. 109 00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:58,520 Well, it may not seem fair to you, but it's up to you to deal with her moods. 110 00:10:00,309 --> 00:10:04,439 Well, if she can't, then you just have to rise above it. 111 00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:08,153 OK? I'll see you at my father's tomorrow. 112 00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:11,105 We'll talk about it then. OK. 113 00:10:11,237 --> 00:10:12,567 Bye-bye. 114 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:16,406 She listens to you cos she looks up to you. Me, there's no communication. 115 00:10:16,534 --> 00:10:19,624 It's just... It's a terrible situation. 116 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:27,706 Hey. 117 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:30,762 Take you back? 118 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,338 God, yeah. 119 00:10:44,895 --> 00:10:49,525 Would you ever think of making love to me on the living room floor? 120 00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:55,744 Would you want me to? 121 00:10:55,865 --> 00:10:58,695 I don't know. Would you want to? 122 00:10:59,785 --> 00:11:01,785 I don't know. 123 00:11:04,123 --> 00:11:08,293 Actually, I don't think I see you as the hardwood floor type. 124 00:11:08,419 --> 00:11:09,839 No? 125 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:17,683 Hey, Ken, what are you doing in there? Have you eaten? 126 00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:21,063 Hello, Lydia. Look, you know my wife pretty good. 127 00:11:21,182 --> 00:11:25,192 Would you say that she was the type to enjoy sex on the living room floor? 128 00:11:25,311 --> 00:11:28,231 - Ken! - Oh, my God. You know, you guys... 129 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:31,815 - I'm only teasing. - That was really embarrassing before. 130 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:34,992 But not unpleasant if you don't get splinters. 131 00:11:39,909 --> 00:11:44,459 The following morning, I'd agreed to meet my sister-in-law. 132 00:11:44,580 --> 00:11:48,880 I waited as long as I could, but when she didn't show up I decided to leave. 133 00:11:49,001 --> 00:11:51,301 - Marion. I'm sorry. - Oh, hi. 134 00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:55,590 - I got stuck in traffic. - Oh. The thing is, I'm really late now. 135 00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:59,216 - Sorry. I just need a few minutes. - Well, I'm so behind schedule. 136 00:11:59,345 --> 00:12:02,345 You said eight, and I waited, but I've gotta get going. 137 00:12:02,473 --> 00:12:05,683 - Stupid bus wouldn't move. - Maybe some other time. 138 00:12:05,809 --> 00:12:08,229 I've gotta be disciplined when I'm writing, Lynn, 139 00:12:08,354 --> 00:12:11,324 otherwise I'm not gonna get it done in time. 140 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,440 I need to borrow some money. 141 00:12:13,567 --> 00:12:16,697 You know, Paul and I are getting a divorce. 142 00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:19,070 I heard. I'm sorry. 143 00:12:19,198 --> 00:12:22,578 - Are you? - Why do you say it like that? 144 00:12:23,869 --> 00:12:27,709 Because... I know you never really approved of me. 145 00:12:27,831 --> 00:12:30,131 Why, I hardly know you. 146 00:12:30,251 --> 00:12:33,421 It's not from my lack of trying. 147 00:12:33,545 --> 00:12:37,625 Oh, look, I know this must all be very upsetting to you. But, you know... 148 00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:39,928 I'm sorry. 149 00:12:40,052 --> 00:12:43,562 If you needed money, how come Paul didn't ask me? 150 00:12:44,098 --> 00:12:46,848 Well... he wouldn't. 151 00:12:46,976 --> 00:12:49,396 Well, why not? He has before. 152 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:54,610 Marion... don't you know how he feels about you? 153 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,703 Sure. We've always been very close. 154 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,280 You're deluding yourself. 155 00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:05,448 Of course, in a way he idolises you, but... 156 00:13:06,495 --> 00:13:08,905 he also hates you. 157 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,165 I'm sorry, I don't accept that. 158 00:13:15,462 --> 00:13:17,592 You're such a perceptive woman. 159 00:13:17,715 --> 00:13:19,925 How can you not understand his feelings? 160 00:13:20,050 --> 00:13:23,800 Look, um, I'm late, and... and, uh... 161 00:13:25,014 --> 00:13:30,484 To tell you the truth, I make it a practice of never getting into these conversations. 162 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:34,612 They're fruitless, and people say things that they're sorry for later. 163 00:13:34,732 --> 00:13:39,822 Why don't you just tell me how much you need and I'll discuss it with Ken. OK? 164 00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,663 The encounter with my sister-in-law had left me angry, 165 00:13:47,786 --> 00:13:50,786 but I refused to let it interfere with my work. 166 00:13:51,248 --> 00:13:54,998 I had a reasonably productive day, but as late afternoon approached, 167 00:13:55,127 --> 00:13:57,957 I began to feel anxious somehow. 168 00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:06,717 I really can't believe I'm saying this. 169 00:14:08,974 --> 00:14:13,104 Lately, I've had odd feelings about my marriage. 170 00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:18,148 It's as if it's been... coming apart. 171 00:14:19,485 --> 00:14:23,405 And I've just been, in so many ways, denying it. 172 00:14:25,157 --> 00:14:27,487 I must admit, 173 00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:31,908 I have moments when I question whether I made the right choice. 174 00:14:33,165 --> 00:14:36,085 I've told you there was someone else once. 175 00:14:37,294 --> 00:14:40,674 The last time I saw him was several years ago, 176 00:14:40,798 --> 00:14:43,628 before I was married, at a party. 177 00:14:56,980 --> 00:15:00,570 Stop it. Just stop it. This is just crazy. 178 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:03,112 I'm marrying Ken, that's all there is to it. 179 00:15:03,237 --> 00:15:06,987 - How can you marry Ken? You love me. - I... What? You're so conceited. 180 00:15:07,116 --> 00:15:09,406 What makes you think that I love you? 181 00:15:09,535 --> 00:15:14,035 I know. There are some things one knows just so surely as... 182 00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:19,754 Well, I-I... I'm... I... You're wrong, and I'm sorry if I've misled you. 183 00:15:19,878 --> 00:15:23,378 - It's you you're misleading. - I'm surprised at you. 184 00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:26,677 I mean, Ken is your close friend. 185 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:31,467 I love everything about you, and I want you to come and live with me... 186 00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:34,808 Stop it! Stop it. Right now. 187 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:38,147 Marion? We're toasting! 188 00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,362 Just go away. 189 00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:47,074 To Ken and Marion on their big day next week. 190 00:15:48,282 --> 00:15:52,662 And to Marion's new book. German philosophy will never be the same. 191 00:15:53,162 --> 00:15:54,582 Let's hope not. 192 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:58,575 You'll go on for ever. Heidegger definitely got what he deserved. 193 00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:01,549 Hey, I'd like to propose a toast. 194 00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,210 To good health and happiness. 195 00:16:05,174 --> 00:16:08,394 - Aren't you gonna drink to Marion? - Yes, why not? 196 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:11,100 I drink to Marion with my eyes. 197 00:16:11,889 --> 00:16:13,719 Smoothie. Old smoothie. 198 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,118 I was just returning some things. 199 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:40,174 You could stop staring. 200 00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:42,632 I'm not a ghost. 201 00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:48,134 Well, we did spend a few years together, had a child together, in this house. 202 00:16:48,884 --> 00:16:51,354 I wish you'd called. 203 00:16:51,470 --> 00:16:53,350 I'm not staying. 204 00:16:53,472 --> 00:16:57,102 Although some of these people used to be my friends too. 205 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:02,021 - Would you like a drink? - Kitty... 206 00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:04,687 Don't panic, I'm not accepting. 207 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,489 These are artefacts from more civilised days between us. 208 00:17:09,947 --> 00:17:13,447 I think perhaps you should just leave them and go. 209 00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,445 Which one's Marion? 210 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:17,703 I am. 211 00:17:17,829 --> 00:17:19,669 Kathy, this is in terrible taste, you know. 212 00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:22,460 Oh, my ex-husband is an authority on taste! 213 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:27,674 Now what does Emily Post say about adultery with a philosophy professor 214 00:17:27,798 --> 00:17:31,838 in a Holiday Inn while his wife is in the hospital having her ovaries removed? 215 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:34,929 - OK, that's enough. Now please leave. - Ah, jeez. 216 00:17:35,055 --> 00:17:37,425 I realise that you've been hurt, 217 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:40,688 and if I've done anything wrong, I am sorry. 218 00:17:40,811 --> 00:17:43,811 Forgive me. I accept your condemnation. 219 00:17:50,362 --> 00:17:51,862 I'm so sorry. 220 00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:15,549 What can I say to change your heart? 221 00:18:17,222 --> 00:18:19,602 I'm really amazed at you. 222 00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:24,185 He's your friend. He's just... He's just had an embarrassing experience. 223 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:27,731 Yes, he is my friend. And I love him. 224 00:18:28,233 --> 00:18:31,323 But he's a prig. He's cold and he's stuffy. 225 00:18:33,864 --> 00:18:38,414 Can't you see that? "I accept your condemnation." Jesus! 226 00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:42,911 He handled a very difficult moment quite well. 227 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,830 Oh, too well. Do you like that? 228 00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:48,206 He's a snob. 229 00:18:48,337 --> 00:18:51,047 He's a wonderful man. 230 00:18:51,173 --> 00:18:53,973 And he's... he's a terrific doctor. 231 00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:58,095 He's cultured and he's honourable. 232 00:18:58,639 --> 00:19:01,349 I love to be with him. I... I... 233 00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:06,272 - I love reading books with him, and... - It's all up here. All up here. 234 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,606 And he's sexy. 235 00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:12,819 Adultery in the Holiday Inn? Did they take a credit card? 236 00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:17,453 He would never try to undermine you. 237 00:19:18,950 --> 00:19:21,830 Even if he loved a woman passionately? 238 00:19:28,627 --> 00:19:31,167 Maybe we should join the others. 239 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:33,796 Maybe I was wrong about you. 240 00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:37,344 Maybe you're two of a kind. 241 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,469 Maybe you've had too much champagne. 242 00:19:39,596 --> 00:19:42,176 Maybe this conversation is scaring you. 243 00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,387 I have to go. 244 00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:47,648 Why don't you do that? 245 00:19:55,654 --> 00:19:58,164 I often wonder about real love. 246 00:19:58,990 --> 00:20:02,990 Or should I say, I keep myself from thinking about it. 247 00:20:04,329 --> 00:20:07,709 I don't mean the kind I've experienced. 248 00:20:07,833 --> 00:20:12,553 It's deeper, much more intense. And then I become frightened. 249 00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:16,341 Because I feel too much... 250 00:20:24,641 --> 00:20:27,231 - Hi. How are you? - Fine. 251 00:20:27,352 --> 00:20:31,232 This is great, this is really nice. I like it a lot. So are you ready? 252 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:33,776 - Sure. - I'm sorry, am I too early? 253 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:37,320 - Oh, no. - So I'm here on time? OK, great. 254 00:20:37,446 --> 00:20:42,736 - You know your dad's not coming? - Yes. I spoke with him. Are you all right? 255 00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:44,198 - Me? - You just... 256 00:20:44,327 --> 00:20:46,787 - No, sure, I'm fine. - OK. 257 00:20:46,913 --> 00:20:51,543 All right, well, we should get going then, so we can beat the traffic. 258 00:21:05,265 --> 00:21:10,145 I've gathered a number of your mother's possessions and mementos. 259 00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,810 Pictures, letters. 260 00:21:12,939 --> 00:21:15,399 You may as well have them. 261 00:21:15,525 --> 00:21:19,025 I just can't seem to bring myself to throw them away. 262 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:21,364 Has it been unbearable, these past few months? 263 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:24,280 I've managed to keep myself busy. 264 00:21:24,409 --> 00:21:28,619 - I wish you'd consider moving to the city. - I'm fine right here. 265 00:21:29,581 --> 00:21:34,631 Clara comes in. She cleans and cooks for me the way she always has, 266 00:21:34,753 --> 00:21:37,383 so that's no different. 267 00:21:37,506 --> 00:21:40,926 Twice a year, the board of the Smithsonian meets. 268 00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:46,766 That gets me down to Washington, and takes up some of my time. 269 00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:52,404 I'm all right. I'm fine right here. 270 00:21:52,521 --> 00:21:56,731 But you want nothing around to even remind you of Mother? 271 00:21:56,858 --> 00:22:02,488 Well, there are times when even a historian shouldn't look at the past. 272 00:22:02,614 --> 00:22:06,164 You think at your age you can meet someone and fall in love again? 273 00:22:06,284 --> 00:22:10,624 One hopes at my age to build up an immunity. 274 00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:17,338 Are you aware that Paul and Lynn are getting a divorce? 275 00:22:17,462 --> 00:22:22,132 Nothing Paul does would surprise me, and I'd much rather not hear about him. 276 00:22:22,259 --> 00:22:26,139 - He's had bad luck. - He's had the same chances you've had. 277 00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:31,175 It's just that he doesn't have it inside him to stick with anything. 278 00:22:31,309 --> 00:22:36,189 - I hope you're not still giving him money. - No, just, you know, now and then. 279 00:22:36,815 --> 00:22:41,695 I've salvaged him from more financial messes, 280 00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:46,030 and I've spent more money doing it, than I care to tell you. 281 00:22:46,157 --> 00:22:51,707 Someday he'll defraud somebody in one of his so-called business ventures. 282 00:22:52,205 --> 00:22:54,575 And he'll go to jail. 283 00:22:58,628 --> 00:23:02,418 I noticed you sort of gave me a disapproving look at dinner. 284 00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:07,392 Well, I didn't think it was very sensitive of you to ask my father 285 00:23:07,512 --> 00:23:10,602 whether at his age he could still fall in love. 286 00:23:10,724 --> 00:23:15,314 - Well, he didn't take it badly. - No, but it just isn't very tactful. 287 00:23:15,437 --> 00:23:18,317 He's old now. He doesn't have to be reminded of it. 288 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,190 I'm sorry. 289 00:23:20,317 --> 00:23:23,187 It's OK, it's just... 290 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,030 Never mind, it's... youth. 291 00:23:26,156 --> 00:23:28,446 Here are the photos. 292 00:23:29,618 --> 00:23:32,948 And here's my mother's jewellery. Such as it is. 293 00:23:33,705 --> 00:23:36,955 They were never ones for sentimental possessions. 294 00:23:37,918 --> 00:23:40,628 Here's her book of Rilke's poems. 295 00:23:40,754 --> 00:23:45,264 You know, she was the one who first introduced me to German poetry. 296 00:23:46,301 --> 00:23:49,391 And there's a picture of the house in the fall. 297 00:23:49,512 --> 00:23:53,102 That's really nice. Oh, there we are in the kitchen. 298 00:23:53,224 --> 00:23:56,734 And there's Clara. Look how young you were here, Clara. 299 00:23:56,853 --> 00:24:01,403 You were so good to us. I can still taste the cookies you used to bake. 300 00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:06,284 You used to sit up with us when we had those miserable colds. You were a saint. 301 00:24:06,404 --> 00:24:11,414 Oh, and here I am, older. I could go up to the spare room and paint for hours. 302 00:24:11,534 --> 00:24:14,624 The time would just fly by when I was doing a picture. 303 00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:18,786 And there I am with my friend Claire. You know, she became an actress. 304 00:24:18,917 --> 00:24:22,587 We used to be so close, but I haven't seen her in years. 305 00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:28,262 And there's my mother. She loved strolling around the grounds. 306 00:24:28,969 --> 00:24:33,259 She loved all beautiful things. She loved nature, music, poetry. 307 00:24:33,807 --> 00:24:36,727 That was her whole existence. 308 00:24:40,772 --> 00:24:45,032 - Paul? I'd like to discuss something. - Yes, Dad? 309 00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:48,451 I've had a talk with my brother Ben. 310 00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:53,031 And he has promised me that he will find a position for you next season in his firm. 311 00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:55,659 I don't wanna work in a cardboard box factory. 312 00:24:55,787 --> 00:25:01,327 - It's paper products, Paul, not just boxes. - But I tried it once. I go nuts. 313 00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:02,879 Paul... 314 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:07,220 There are some obligations one must accept. 315 00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:10,474 This has not been a good year. 316 00:25:10,969 --> 00:25:14,719 Your mother is very ill, and I have decided to take time off 317 00:25:14,848 --> 00:25:17,518 to finish my study on the Continental Congress. 318 00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:20,692 It's important that there is enough money 319 00:25:20,812 --> 00:25:22,982 to see that Marion can go away to college. 320 00:25:23,106 --> 00:25:26,646 I want her to take that scholarship. She is such a brilliant girl. 321 00:25:26,776 --> 00:25:28,606 But I had other plans. 322 00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:32,737 I'm sure those plans included card-playing and time-wasting. 323 00:25:32,866 --> 00:25:37,076 - That's not fair. - Paul, your grades are mediocre. 324 00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:42,293 It's not because you're not smart enough, it's simply that you don't apply yourself. 325 00:25:42,417 --> 00:25:44,957 I know. And Marion's a genius. 326 00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:49,089 She has the opportunity to go to Bryn Mawr. 327 00:25:50,008 --> 00:25:52,888 - Do you want to prevent her? - No. 328 00:25:53,636 --> 00:25:58,556 She's going to be something. She's got what it takes. There are no limits for her. 329 00:25:59,809 --> 00:26:05,019 If only I could stop her daydreaming in the woods with her beloved watercolours. 330 00:26:16,576 --> 00:26:18,076 Paul? 331 00:26:20,705 --> 00:26:22,075 What's wrong? 332 00:26:22,207 --> 00:26:25,837 He's making me go to work in the paper box factory. 333 00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:29,551 - Well, what do you wanna do? - I don't know. 334 00:26:29,672 --> 00:26:34,262 Move out of the house, travel, find some interesting business, 335 00:26:34,385 --> 00:26:37,345 anything but work in a paper box factory. 336 00:26:38,098 --> 00:26:41,018 I hate him. Both of them. 337 00:26:41,726 --> 00:26:44,186 They live in their own world. 338 00:27:07,752 --> 00:27:11,172 - Is this close enough? - Yeah, I'm meeting Scott right up here. 339 00:27:11,297 --> 00:27:16,007 Why don't you come? He'd love to meet you, and I've told him a lot about you. 340 00:27:16,136 --> 00:27:19,386 Thank you, honey, but I'm really tired. 341 00:27:19,514 --> 00:27:22,234 - Can I take a rain check? - Come on, just for one beer. 342 00:27:22,350 --> 00:27:25,650 It's really early, and Dad's not gonna be home yet. 343 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:28,649 Do you see someone? 344 00:27:28,773 --> 00:27:31,193 - I do. - Who? 345 00:27:31,860 --> 00:27:36,780 It's just, uh... it's an acquaintance of mine, it's a woman I know. 346 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:42,750 All right, well, thanks a lot. I had a terrific time. 347 00:27:42,871 --> 00:27:45,461 - OK. - OK. Bye. 348 00:29:05,203 --> 00:29:08,253 I forgot half of that speech tonight... 349 00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:11,924 Marion. I... 350 00:29:12,043 --> 00:29:15,093 - Claire? - It's you. It is you. It is. 351 00:29:15,213 --> 00:29:19,053 - Claire? I was just talking about you. - Yes? 352 00:29:19,175 --> 00:29:22,215 I was going through old photos at my father's house. 353 00:29:22,345 --> 00:29:24,635 What are you doing here? 354 00:29:24,764 --> 00:29:29,104 - I'm doing a play. And it's closing, but... - You're in a show? 355 00:29:29,227 --> 00:29:32,437 Yes. I guess you don't read the theatre section of the paper. 356 00:29:32,563 --> 00:29:35,613 Well, yes, I do, but I just had no idea. 357 00:29:37,527 --> 00:29:41,697 I'm sorry, what am I doing? I'm sorry. This is my husband, this is Jack. 358 00:29:41,823 --> 00:29:43,953 - Marion Post. - Nice to meet you. 359 00:29:44,075 --> 00:29:48,075 Oh, my goodness. Claire, I have wondered about you so often. 360 00:29:48,204 --> 00:29:52,714 - Well, we live in Monterey now. - Really? Do you have time for a drink? 361 00:29:52,834 --> 00:29:57,344 - Sorry, we're meeting some friends. - No, we have time till our appointment. 362 00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,473 - Do we? - Oh, great. There must be a place here. 363 00:30:00,591 --> 00:30:04,101 - Come on, this way. Straight ahead. - I just... 364 00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:15,318 ...Amnesty International and ACLU. Then they were on the same day. 365 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,990 Listen, you gotta be kidding me. Are you saying that you are 366 00:30:20,111 --> 00:30:24,371 a member of Amnesty International and the American Civil Liberties Union? 367 00:30:24,490 --> 00:30:27,450 Marion always had the urge to save humanity, didn't you? 368 00:30:27,577 --> 00:30:30,537 Just give me a flood or a famine. Ken too. 369 00:30:30,663 --> 00:30:34,173 - Where do you find the time? - It doesn't work out all the time. 370 00:30:34,292 --> 00:30:37,592 And head of the philosophy department. It's impossible. 371 00:30:37,712 --> 00:30:41,012 I took two years of philosophy, University of Chicago. 372 00:30:41,132 --> 00:30:45,932 - They've got a great department. - It was good, before they made me leave. 373 00:30:46,054 --> 00:30:49,474 And Claire, you never told me about this chapter in your life. 374 00:30:49,599 --> 00:30:52,189 - I thought I had. - We were so close. 375 00:30:52,310 --> 00:30:55,560 - It was clear she'd be a gifted actress. - No... 376 00:30:55,688 --> 00:30:59,818 Don't you believe her. This woman always had that flair. 377 00:30:59,942 --> 00:31:03,862 Do you get to the theatre much? I guess not with your schedule. 378 00:31:03,988 --> 00:31:08,198 I do. My husband really prefers the opera, but there's so little to see. 379 00:31:08,326 --> 00:31:12,206 - I used to be a devoted Brechtian. - I staged some Brecht. 380 00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:14,580 - Did you? - Yes. "Mother Courage." 381 00:31:14,707 --> 00:31:17,877 - Not the one here? - Yes, the one here. Did you see it? 382 00:31:18,002 --> 00:31:23,092 Sure I saw it. That's the most intelligent rendering of that play I've ever seen. 383 00:31:23,216 --> 00:31:26,216 - That's sweet of you. - I had problems with the translation. 384 00:31:26,344 --> 00:31:29,224 Some of the speeches could have been a little better. 385 00:31:29,347 --> 00:31:31,677 Exactly. The translation was awkward. 386 00:31:31,808 --> 00:31:34,228 But you did a terrific job. Really terrific. 387 00:31:34,352 --> 00:31:37,272 Hey, hey. Hey! 388 00:31:37,397 --> 00:31:40,647 Look at me once in a while. I'm your wife, not her. 389 00:31:40,775 --> 00:31:41,935 Huh? 390 00:31:42,068 --> 00:31:45,028 You've been hanging on her every word since we sat down. 391 00:31:45,154 --> 00:31:46,864 You're embarrassing me. 392 00:31:46,989 --> 00:31:50,909 Jack is very impressed by certain things which I apparently cannot give him. 393 00:31:51,035 --> 00:31:52,535 Claire, take it easy. 394 00:31:52,662 --> 00:31:57,082 Do you deny he's been looking into your eyes for over an hour? 395 00:31:57,208 --> 00:32:01,248 - I don't think you heard one word I said. - You're a little drunk. 396 00:32:01,379 --> 00:32:05,429 - If you'd rather be alone with her... - Claire, stop it, this is foolish. 397 00:32:05,550 --> 00:32:09,510 - We're just having a nice chat. - Don't play so innocent with me. 398 00:32:09,637 --> 00:32:12,057 - This wouldn't be the first time. - Stop this! 399 00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:14,891 - What does that mean? - Let's go, Claire. Sorry, Marion. 400 00:32:15,017 --> 00:32:16,887 We've been in this situation before, 401 00:32:17,019 --> 00:32:21,439 where you so innocently wound up causing me to doubt my whole life. 402 00:32:21,566 --> 00:32:24,606 Claire, you're being awfully theatrical. 403 00:32:24,735 --> 00:32:26,945 I don't know what you're talking about. 404 00:32:27,071 --> 00:32:30,991 We didn't just drift apart, Marion. I withdrew. 405 00:32:32,785 --> 00:32:36,365 - You're not talking about David? - Then you do know. 406 00:32:37,165 --> 00:32:41,455 - I know I never had any interest in him. - But you knew how much I cared for him. 407 00:32:41,586 --> 00:32:47,046 I had nothing to do with him. And I never gave him a shred of encouragement. 408 00:32:47,175 --> 00:32:48,835 That's not true. 409 00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:54,558 Your conversations were full of subtle flirtations, full of meaningful little looks, 410 00:32:54,682 --> 00:33:00,272 and... little gambits designed to seduce. 411 00:33:01,189 --> 00:33:03,569 That's so untrue. 412 00:33:03,691 --> 00:33:05,741 And you've held that against me? 413 00:33:05,860 --> 00:33:09,820 He couldn't see anything except how infatuated he was with you. 414 00:33:09,947 --> 00:33:13,907 We never spent a single moment alone. I never had anything to do with him. 415 00:33:14,035 --> 00:33:19,705 And I say you seduced him. You just turned it on whenever he was around. 416 00:33:19,832 --> 00:33:22,502 Maybe you didn't even know that you were doing it. 417 00:33:22,627 --> 00:33:25,507 Claire, let's get off the subject. 418 00:33:25,963 --> 00:33:28,423 I must've seemed very bland to him after you. 419 00:33:28,549 --> 00:33:30,549 This is nonsense! 420 00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:34,216 To have backed off of a close friendship because of some fantasy? 421 00:33:34,347 --> 00:33:37,137 I'm sure I brought it on myself. I was so proud of you. 422 00:33:37,266 --> 00:33:43,016 You were my best friend. You were so witty and so quick, and I was so naive. 423 00:33:43,147 --> 00:33:46,897 Of course you would want David to fall for you. He was exceptional. 424 00:33:47,026 --> 00:33:49,236 I never accepted his overtures. 425 00:33:49,362 --> 00:33:52,202 I told him he was going with you and it was out of the question. 426 00:33:52,323 --> 00:33:55,793 - By that time you had what you wanted. - That's absurd. 427 00:33:56,494 --> 00:34:00,214 I really believe that you may not have realised what you were doing. 428 00:34:00,331 --> 00:34:03,961 This is outrageous. You should never drink. 429 00:34:04,085 --> 00:34:09,665 I swear to you, it was never in my mind. Not consciously or subconsciously or... 430 00:34:09,799 --> 00:34:14,679 Think about it. Just think about it sometime. You should be the actress. 431 00:34:25,356 --> 00:34:27,936 When I got home, Ken was asleep. 432 00:34:28,067 --> 00:34:30,817 I was too shaken up to go to bed. 433 00:34:30,945 --> 00:34:34,365 The incident with Claire had left me edgy and uncomfortable. 434 00:34:34,490 --> 00:34:37,830 I thought if I read for a while, it might relax me. 435 00:34:37,952 --> 00:34:40,912 I thumbed through my mother's edition of Rilke. 436 00:34:41,956 --> 00:34:47,126 When I was 16, I had done a paper on his poem about the panther, 437 00:34:47,253 --> 00:34:51,763 and on the image that the panther saw as it stared out from its cage. 438 00:34:51,882 --> 00:34:55,392 And that image, I concluded, could only be death. 439 00:34:57,430 --> 00:35:00,980 Then I saw my mother's favourite poem, 440 00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:03,850 "Archaic Torso of Apollo". 441 00:35:05,730 --> 00:35:10,190 There were stains on the page, which I believe were her tears. 442 00:35:12,236 --> 00:35:15,156 They fell across the last line. 443 00:35:16,657 --> 00:35:20,577 "For here there is no place that does not see you. 444 00:35:22,747 --> 00:35:25,667 "You must change your life." 445 00:35:29,045 --> 00:35:31,335 You got in late last night. 446 00:35:31,464 --> 00:35:34,264 I ran into an old friend. 447 00:35:34,383 --> 00:35:38,553 Then I didn't sleep. I don't think I closed my eyes for ten minutes. 448 00:35:38,679 --> 00:35:41,639 I don't know how you do it. I'd collapse. 449 00:35:41,766 --> 00:35:44,766 We're going to the concert with Mark and Lydia tonight. 450 00:35:44,894 --> 00:35:48,234 I'm good for today, it's tomorrow I'll feel it. 451 00:35:49,398 --> 00:35:52,988 Yeah, but tomorrow we're going to Tom and Eleanor's for dinner. 452 00:35:53,110 --> 00:35:57,700 And Friday, Mark and Lydia are taking us out for our anniversary. 453 00:35:57,823 --> 00:36:01,993 - Is it our anniversary already? - Yeah. Goes quickly, doesn't it? 454 00:36:05,414 --> 00:36:07,464 What's the matter? 455 00:36:07,583 --> 00:36:09,633 I don't know. 456 00:36:11,003 --> 00:36:13,053 What is it? 457 00:36:13,839 --> 00:36:17,179 Well, you know, shouldn't we spend our anniversary alone? 458 00:36:17,301 --> 00:36:21,511 We could go to the restaurant where we had our first night together. 459 00:36:21,639 --> 00:36:23,849 In Philadelphia? 460 00:36:28,479 --> 00:36:30,479 Hold me. 461 00:36:33,484 --> 00:36:35,324 Hey. 462 00:36:37,279 --> 00:36:38,699 Honey. 463 00:36:41,742 --> 00:36:44,452 I've already found your present. 464 00:36:51,711 --> 00:36:55,091 Did I seduce you away from your wife? 465 00:36:57,341 --> 00:37:00,261 No, I seduced you, don't you remember? 466 00:37:01,303 --> 00:37:06,063 Then I was worried in case you wouldn't consider me because I was married. 467 00:37:08,185 --> 00:37:09,725 Well... 468 00:37:09,854 --> 00:37:14,404 So how was it with Laura last night? You know that kid idolises you. 469 00:37:14,525 --> 00:37:15,935 Yeah. 470 00:37:17,153 --> 00:37:22,033 I'd better get going, I guess. I have to stop at the library on my way downtown. 471 00:37:22,158 --> 00:37:23,578 OK. 472 00:37:44,722 --> 00:37:47,352 You're silent today. 473 00:37:47,475 --> 00:37:50,135 Usually you're quite talkative. 474 00:37:51,812 --> 00:37:54,902 Yeah, I... I-I have nothing to say. 475 00:37:57,902 --> 00:38:00,112 Mm-hm. 476 00:38:08,078 --> 00:38:11,368 I... That is, I have nothing to report. 477 00:38:15,294 --> 00:38:17,804 Are you angry? 478 00:38:19,423 --> 00:38:22,223 No, not that I'm aware of. 479 00:38:22,343 --> 00:38:25,643 But you have nothing to say? 480 00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:28,218 No. 481 00:39:35,833 --> 00:39:39,093 She saw us, Scott. I asked you to lock the door. 482 00:39:39,211 --> 00:39:41,711 You said they were walking in the woods. 483 00:39:41,839 --> 00:39:45,929 Dad said he was uncomfortable about us being here for the weekend, 484 00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:51,271 and I tried to explain, make him trust me, and I said it would be all right, and this... 485 00:39:51,390 --> 00:39:55,190 - Come on, I'm sure she's sophisticated. - Yeah, you don't know Marion. 486 00:39:55,311 --> 00:39:59,611 - I thought you said she was pretty hip. - Yeah, she is, she's great. She's... 487 00:39:59,732 --> 00:40:03,742 She's great. She... I dunno, it's just that she's, um... 488 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,700 She's a little... judgemental. 489 00:40:07,823 --> 00:40:13,083 You know? She sort of stands above people and evaluates them. 490 00:40:13,871 --> 00:40:16,831 I've heard her make remarks about her brother, and... 491 00:40:16,957 --> 00:40:20,917 I always think that she's gonna judge me that way. I dunno. 492 00:40:21,045 --> 00:40:25,715 I just... Now I feel really cheap for some reason. 493 00:40:26,425 --> 00:40:28,135 - Cheap? - Yes. 494 00:40:28,260 --> 00:40:29,640 - Cheap? - Yes. 495 00:40:29,762 --> 00:40:32,262 - I thought it was very romantic. - It was. 496 00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:35,269 With the fire, and the wine... 497 00:40:35,893 --> 00:40:37,903 Yeah. It was. 498 00:40:40,147 --> 00:40:42,937 I couldn't work anymore that day. 499 00:40:43,067 --> 00:40:45,737 I felt I needed some fresh air. 500 00:40:46,737 --> 00:40:48,737 I walked the streets aimlessly, 501 00:40:48,864 --> 00:40:52,834 just trying to put some jumbled thoughts in order. 502 00:40:52,952 --> 00:40:54,792 I don't know how long I wandered, 503 00:40:54,912 --> 00:40:58,922 but when I looked up I was quite far from my writing room. 504 00:41:17,893 --> 00:41:19,943 What's happened? 505 00:41:21,397 --> 00:41:23,437 I don't know. 506 00:41:25,401 --> 00:41:28,201 Well, what are you doing here? 507 00:41:32,908 --> 00:41:36,788 - Something must be wrong. - Oh, don't say that. 508 00:41:38,122 --> 00:41:41,962 Marion, you don't seek out my company very often. 509 00:41:42,835 --> 00:41:45,205 You must need something. 510 00:41:45,337 --> 00:41:47,917 Yes, I do need something. 511 00:41:48,048 --> 00:41:51,048 Only I don't know what it is, exactly. 512 00:41:52,428 --> 00:41:57,138 - Well, what do I have I could offer? - You can be honest with me, Paul. 513 00:41:57,808 --> 00:42:00,848 You and I were so close when we were young. 514 00:42:03,605 --> 00:42:05,855 How honest do you want me to be? 515 00:42:05,983 --> 00:42:11,113 It was just today that I realised how long it's been since we've even spoken. 516 00:42:11,238 --> 00:42:12,488 Well... 517 00:42:13,991 --> 00:42:18,871 I gave up pursuing you when I realised how uncomfortable it made you feel. 518 00:42:18,996 --> 00:42:22,746 - That's not true. - Don't deny it. Come on, Marion. 519 00:42:25,961 --> 00:42:28,011 You know... 520 00:42:28,672 --> 00:42:32,892 I realised... that I disappointed you. 521 00:42:33,010 --> 00:42:37,850 And worse, I realised that I embarrass you. How I live and who I marry... 522 00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,270 Of course, that's falling apart now, so we don't have to worry about it. 523 00:42:44,396 --> 00:42:47,226 She wants me to work for Cousin Andrew. 524 00:42:52,780 --> 00:42:58,490 But she's right, because I never have supported her and the kids properly. 525 00:42:58,619 --> 00:43:02,079 Well, would that be so awful? Working for Andrew? 526 00:43:04,291 --> 00:43:06,671 You used to say that. 527 00:43:06,794 --> 00:43:09,924 I know. I know I did, but... 528 00:43:10,047 --> 00:43:13,587 - Times change. - Yeah, they certainly do. 529 00:43:14,676 --> 00:43:17,596 Do you remember, some years ago, 530 00:43:17,721 --> 00:43:22,731 when I showed you something I'd written? Remember what you said? 531 00:43:23,519 --> 00:43:27,649 No, I don't remember. I was probably just trying to be truthful. 532 00:43:28,565 --> 00:43:33,485 Yes, I'm sure. You said, "This is overblown. 533 00:43:33,612 --> 00:43:36,162 "It's too emotional. It's maudlin. 534 00:43:36,281 --> 00:43:42,041 "Your dreams may be meaningful to you, but to the objective observer, they're... 535 00:43:42,162 --> 00:43:44,752 "It's so embarrassing." 536 00:43:45,749 --> 00:43:47,539 I said that? 537 00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:50,168 Exactly your words. 538 00:43:52,589 --> 00:43:55,259 So I try not to embarrass you... 539 00:43:55,384 --> 00:43:57,474 any more. 540 00:44:03,142 --> 00:44:05,192 I should go. 541 00:44:26,790 --> 00:44:30,670 I've spent all afternoon trying to think of a great place to take you two 542 00:44:30,794 --> 00:44:33,094 to celebrate your anniversary on Friday. 543 00:44:33,213 --> 00:44:36,473 What's wrong with the hotel in Philadelphia 544 00:44:36,592 --> 00:44:40,762 where you had your first illicit moments of passion? 545 00:44:40,888 --> 00:44:45,018 - You see? He thinks like you think. - He drinks, not thinks. 546 00:44:45,142 --> 00:44:50,812 I should drink. I should drink. If I ever started drinking... This is not drinking. 547 00:44:50,939 --> 00:44:54,189 Excuse me, I'm sorry to disturb you, but... 548 00:44:54,818 --> 00:44:58,858 I was a pupil of yours 20 years ago in Vermont. 549 00:44:58,989 --> 00:45:01,989 Cynthia Frank? You probably won't remember, but... 550 00:45:02,117 --> 00:45:04,197 Yes, I do. I do remember you. 551 00:45:04,328 --> 00:45:06,998 - You changed my life. - I did? 552 00:45:07,122 --> 00:45:11,792 You... she was the inspiration for every woman in the philosophy department. 553 00:45:11,919 --> 00:45:16,259 - That's very kind of you. - I still remember the lectures so clearly. 554 00:45:16,381 --> 00:45:22,221 There was a particular talk you gave on ethics and moral responsibility that... 555 00:45:22,804 --> 00:45:28,194 Well, your ideas were amazing to me, and they're still amazing to me. 556 00:45:29,603 --> 00:45:32,693 Well, I didn't mean to interrupt, but I wanted to tell you. 557 00:45:32,814 --> 00:45:37,824 I've seen you here before, and I never was able to say that you changed my life. 558 00:45:37,945 --> 00:45:39,355 Thanks. 559 00:45:39,488 --> 00:45:42,618 Hey, all right. All right. Well done. 560 00:45:42,741 --> 00:45:45,371 Do you remember that lecture? 561 00:45:45,494 --> 00:45:48,914 It's terrific that she just turned around and... 562 00:45:49,039 --> 00:45:51,499 It's very touching. 563 00:45:52,668 --> 00:45:54,998 I had spent a second sleepless night, 564 00:45:55,128 --> 00:45:57,878 and the following day at work I really felt it. 565 00:45:58,382 --> 00:46:03,012 I couldn't write at all, and what little I did try was forced. 566 00:46:03,136 --> 00:46:07,306 Usually I can't sleep in the day, but I was exhausted. 567 00:46:07,432 --> 00:46:10,522 I closed my eyes for a few minutes, 568 00:46:10,644 --> 00:46:13,444 and that's when the dream must have come. 569 00:46:14,481 --> 00:46:17,611 You're not gonna say anything? 570 00:46:19,736 --> 00:46:23,066 You haven't said a thing, and your hour's almost up. 571 00:46:25,659 --> 00:46:28,499 I don't believe you have nothing to say. 572 00:46:31,081 --> 00:46:33,791 I think it's because you're angry. 573 00:46:35,252 --> 00:46:37,962 Too choked with rage to speak. 574 00:46:38,088 --> 00:46:40,758 What is it that enrages you? 575 00:46:48,724 --> 00:46:50,774 Life. 576 00:46:51,476 --> 00:46:56,146 - Life? - The... the universe. 577 00:46:56,273 --> 00:46:59,323 The cruelty, the injustice. 578 00:46:59,443 --> 00:47:01,953 The suffering of humanity. 579 00:47:02,070 --> 00:47:05,740 Illness, ageing... death. 580 00:47:05,866 --> 00:47:10,906 All very abstract. "Humanity." Don't worry about humanity all the time. 581 00:47:11,038 --> 00:47:13,458 Get your own life in order. 582 00:47:14,291 --> 00:47:17,381 - Yeah. - We'll continue this tomorrow. 583 00:47:24,384 --> 00:47:27,474 What would you say she was suffering from? 584 00:47:27,929 --> 00:47:31,309 - Self-deception. - Good. It's a little general. 585 00:47:32,476 --> 00:47:36,356 - I don't think she can part with the lies. - No? Too bad. 586 00:47:37,939 --> 00:47:42,029 - Not that she doesn't want to. - It's precisely that she doesn't want to. 587 00:47:42,152 --> 00:47:45,162 When she wants to, she will. 588 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:48,160 - It's all happening so fast. - I have to hurry. 589 00:47:48,283 --> 00:47:51,543 I'm trying to prevent her from killing herself. 590 00:47:52,329 --> 00:47:55,959 - You don't think she would? - She's already begun. 591 00:47:56,083 --> 00:47:58,633 - She has? - Oh, not very dramatically. 592 00:47:58,752 --> 00:48:00,422 That's not her style. 593 00:48:00,545 --> 00:48:02,665 She's doing it slowly and methodically, 594 00:48:02,798 --> 00:48:05,758 and has been since she was very young. 595 00:48:05,884 --> 00:48:09,014 Now, if you'll pardon me, I have another patient. 596 00:48:27,364 --> 00:48:29,534 Now that my life is... 597 00:48:30,117 --> 00:48:32,787 drawing to a close, 598 00:48:32,911 --> 00:48:35,411 I have only regrets. 599 00:48:36,415 --> 00:48:40,375 Regrets that the woman I shared my life with 600 00:48:41,169 --> 00:48:44,209 is not the one I loved the most deeply. 601 00:48:45,382 --> 00:48:50,972 Regrets that there is no love between my son and myself. That is my fault. 602 00:48:52,389 --> 00:48:57,059 Regrets that perhaps I've been too severe with my daughter, 603 00:48:57,936 --> 00:49:03,396 too demanding, that I haven't given her enough feeling. 604 00:49:05,235 --> 00:49:07,945 But I was so unhappy myself, 605 00:49:08,071 --> 00:49:13,661 so caught up in those stupid studies of historical figures. 606 00:49:15,579 --> 00:49:20,209 Even though I have achieved some eminence in my field, 607 00:49:21,251 --> 00:49:24,051 I asked too little of myself. 608 00:49:26,089 --> 00:49:28,339 Suddenly the dream shifted 609 00:49:28,467 --> 00:49:31,847 and I found myself on a street that was familiar. 610 00:49:31,970 --> 00:49:36,680 It seemed to be where I had run into Claire, in front of the theatre. 611 00:49:50,197 --> 00:49:52,947 - What's going on? - Come on in. It's OK. 612 00:49:54,618 --> 00:49:59,328 Would she like to observe the rehearsal? Claire is such a good actress. 613 00:49:59,456 --> 00:50:02,286 She plays innumerable roles. 614 00:50:02,417 --> 00:50:05,747 Would you ever think of making love to me on the living room floor? 615 00:50:05,879 --> 00:50:10,009 - Would you want me to? - I don't know. Would you want to? 616 00:50:10,509 --> 00:50:13,759 Well, somehow I've never seen you as the hardwood floor type. 617 00:50:13,887 --> 00:50:17,717 No. That's a pretty insulting thing to say. 618 00:50:18,266 --> 00:50:23,186 It's you that's the type not to make love anywhere but in bed with the lights out. 619 00:50:23,313 --> 00:50:27,653 - Now who's being insulting? - I suppose you'll undress and go to bed. 620 00:50:27,776 --> 00:50:30,106 Well, it's 01:00am. 621 00:50:31,321 --> 00:50:36,911 Let's try being honest. There's not much passion left in this marriage, is there? 622 00:50:37,953 --> 00:50:40,833 - Is there not? I haven't noticed. - Don't be so aloof. 623 00:50:40,956 --> 00:50:44,626 I'm trying to tell you something. It's not erotic any more. 624 00:50:44,751 --> 00:50:47,341 - Well, was it ever? - Was it not? 625 00:50:48,129 --> 00:50:50,259 Marion, I'm tired. 626 00:50:50,382 --> 00:50:54,182 We rarely sleep together any more, and when we do, it's by the book. 627 00:50:54,302 --> 00:50:58,562 It's the same routine. I know what you're going to do and in what order. 628 00:50:58,682 --> 00:51:02,142 Yeah, it's true, we are both creatures of routine. 629 00:51:02,269 --> 00:51:04,729 Now can we go to sleep? It's late. 630 00:51:04,854 --> 00:51:09,194 And could you please try not to toss and talk in your sleep? 631 00:51:10,068 --> 00:51:15,198 Last night you kept saying "Larry". I assume you dreamed about Larry Lewis. 632 00:51:15,323 --> 00:51:18,083 At the mention of Larry Lewis's name, 633 00:51:18,201 --> 00:51:22,711 I experienced odd feelings of melancholy and longing. 634 00:51:23,748 --> 00:51:26,418 I wanted to weep in the dream, 635 00:51:26,543 --> 00:51:29,383 but the tears wouldn't come. 636 00:51:30,171 --> 00:51:34,301 - Are you married? - Yes. You knew I got married. 637 00:51:36,136 --> 00:51:38,176 Oh, yes. 638 00:51:39,055 --> 00:51:41,015 Yes, I had heard that. 639 00:51:41,141 --> 00:51:44,441 Larry wants us to move back to New York, but I don't. 640 00:51:44,561 --> 00:51:47,231 We've had such a nice time in Santa Fe. 641 00:51:48,231 --> 00:51:51,231 - Are you happy? - I'm happy. 642 00:51:52,110 --> 00:51:56,240 Why don't I leave you two? I'm sure you have a lot to talk about. 643 00:52:01,202 --> 00:52:04,832 I see your by-line now and then in magazines. 644 00:52:05,749 --> 00:52:08,129 Did you read my novel? 645 00:52:08,251 --> 00:52:12,631 I have it, but I am embarrassed to say I haven't read it yet. 646 00:52:12,756 --> 00:52:15,506 You inspired one of the characters. 647 00:52:15,634 --> 00:52:17,684 Oh? 648 00:52:17,802 --> 00:52:23,102 - I hope you weren't too rough on me. - No. I wrote of you with great love. 649 00:52:25,226 --> 00:52:27,226 Your wife is lovely. 650 00:52:27,354 --> 00:52:30,484 Yes. I met her right after you said goodbye to me. 651 00:52:30,607 --> 00:52:34,107 Her name's Jennifer. She's also quite a good writer. 652 00:52:35,779 --> 00:52:38,159 - Do you have any children? - Yes. 653 00:52:38,615 --> 00:52:40,695 We have a daughter. 654 00:52:40,825 --> 00:52:44,945 It's been the greatest, most beautiful experience of my life. 655 00:52:55,382 --> 00:52:57,882 Do you ever think of me? 656 00:52:58,009 --> 00:53:01,139 Do you ever think of me? 657 00:53:01,262 --> 00:53:03,472 Once in a while. 658 00:53:05,225 --> 00:53:07,885 I hope you're happy with Ken. 659 00:53:08,478 --> 00:53:12,898 I ran into him on the street not too long ago. He must have told you. 660 00:53:13,024 --> 00:53:16,324 I think of you more than once in a while. 661 00:53:17,028 --> 00:53:21,698 But without regret. Please, don't tell me you have any regret. 662 00:53:21,825 --> 00:53:26,955 Darling, come here for a moment. I want to show you a beautiful sunset. 663 00:53:27,497 --> 00:53:29,997 Which character in your novel did I inspire? 664 00:53:30,125 --> 00:53:33,415 Hlenka. I gave you a beautiful name. Hlenka. 665 00:53:34,337 --> 00:53:36,717 I described our times together. 666 00:53:36,840 --> 00:53:39,340 You'll recognise it. 667 00:53:39,467 --> 00:53:41,927 I have to go now. 668 00:53:42,053 --> 00:53:44,643 My wife needs me. 669 00:53:52,313 --> 00:53:55,233 Marion, please, don't cry. 670 00:53:55,358 --> 00:53:58,238 Although I am glad to hear our little scene is moving. 671 00:53:58,361 --> 00:54:01,911 - I'd like to go home. - And you will. 672 00:54:02,031 --> 00:54:06,161 I just thought you might like to see our second act finale. 673 00:54:06,286 --> 00:54:09,366 Your first husband's suicide scene. 674 00:54:10,248 --> 00:54:12,458 It's touching. 675 00:54:12,584 --> 00:54:14,634 Sam was not a suicide. 676 00:54:14,753 --> 00:54:18,923 How do you know? It was 15 years after you divorced. 677 00:54:20,341 --> 00:54:24,261 He died in his sleep from mixing pills and alcohol. 678 00:54:25,013 --> 00:54:27,183 I was at his funeral. 679 00:54:27,307 --> 00:54:30,347 Well, you know, that's always a grey area. 680 00:54:30,477 --> 00:54:32,437 Alone in a hotel room, 681 00:54:32,562 --> 00:54:34,902 depressed... 682 00:54:35,023 --> 00:54:37,733 Sam was a wonderful man. 683 00:54:38,777 --> 00:54:41,907 We had such lovely times together. 684 00:54:43,490 --> 00:54:45,870 You taught me so much. 685 00:54:45,992 --> 00:54:48,372 You were a wonderful pupil. 686 00:54:48,495 --> 00:54:51,205 Certainly the most interesting one in my class. 687 00:54:51,331 --> 00:54:53,831 Still, the age difference... 688 00:54:54,375 --> 00:54:57,795 I shouldn't have seduced you. Intellectually, that is. 689 00:54:57,921 --> 00:55:00,801 I should have resisted that temptation. 690 00:55:01,257 --> 00:55:05,297 I shouldn't have made you adore me, but you were such a dazzling pupil, 691 00:55:05,428 --> 00:55:08,138 the temptation was too great. 692 00:55:08,264 --> 00:55:10,894 And so I paid the price. 693 00:55:11,017 --> 00:55:13,597 We both paid the price. 694 00:55:13,728 --> 00:55:18,608 Inevitably there comes a time when the pupil absorbs all that he or she can. 695 00:55:19,442 --> 00:55:23,402 And what seemed like constant joyous imparting of knowledge and opinions 696 00:55:23,530 --> 00:55:25,950 becomes suffocation. 697 00:55:26,658 --> 00:55:29,988 Ironically, that's what they wrote on my death certificate. 698 00:55:30,119 --> 00:55:32,159 "Suffocation." 699 00:55:32,997 --> 00:55:34,997 Oh, Sam. 700 00:55:35,124 --> 00:55:39,674 Wait, there's another important scene between you and Sam. 701 00:55:39,796 --> 00:55:41,836 No. 702 00:55:41,965 --> 00:55:43,965 No more. 703 00:55:47,470 --> 00:55:50,640 That night we had what was supposed to be a charming dinner 704 00:55:50,765 --> 00:55:53,635 with Tom and Eleanor Banks. Doctor Banks. 705 00:55:54,435 --> 00:55:59,015 Everyone was full of energy, and I must've seemed drab in contrast. 706 00:56:00,066 --> 00:56:04,566 Not only was I tired, but the dream had put me in a foul mood. 707 00:56:11,619 --> 00:56:13,499 Tom and Eleanor are funny. 708 00:56:13,621 --> 00:56:17,461 All that carrying-on about ESP and parapsychology. 709 00:56:17,584 --> 00:56:20,094 You'd think they'd be more sensible. 710 00:56:20,211 --> 00:56:24,471 And then when you put it down so unequivocally, I thought they'd die. 711 00:56:24,591 --> 00:56:27,091 You were a little cruel, however correct. 712 00:56:27,218 --> 00:56:32,218 I was so tired, I was in a stinking mood. And who knows? Maybe they're right. 713 00:56:32,348 --> 00:56:35,888 Maybe there is more to life than meets the eye. What the hell do I know? 714 00:56:36,019 --> 00:56:41,399 Their beliefs are one step ahead of Ouija boards. And all that talk about Greece! 715 00:56:41,524 --> 00:56:44,614 You'd think no one had sailed round the Greek islands before. 716 00:56:44,736 --> 00:56:48,406 If we're so contemptuous of Tom and Eleanor, why do we go out with them? 717 00:56:48,531 --> 00:56:51,621 It's just when they get on to certain topics. 718 00:56:51,743 --> 00:56:53,753 Next week it'll be flying saucers! 719 00:56:53,870 --> 00:56:56,580 Why do we have to see people every night anyway? 720 00:56:56,706 --> 00:56:59,416 We never spend any time alone. 721 00:56:59,542 --> 00:57:02,922 - Well, that's not so. - Yes, it is so. Every night it's friends. 722 00:57:03,046 --> 00:57:06,416 Yours, mine, people we hardly know. 723 00:57:06,549 --> 00:57:08,429 We've known Tom and Eleanor for years. 724 00:57:08,551 --> 00:57:10,931 - And you don't even enjoy him. - Of course I do. 725 00:57:11,054 --> 00:57:14,854 You've spoken contemptuously many times because he's a radiologist, 726 00:57:14,974 --> 00:57:17,444 - which you don't take seriously. - I'm joking. 727 00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:21,360 No, you're not. You disguise it as joking, but you're serious. 728 00:57:21,481 --> 00:57:26,611 - You're trying to provoke an argument. - Why are we afraid to be alone together? 729 00:57:26,736 --> 00:57:30,566 - I didn't think we were. - Because we've nothing to say any more? 730 00:57:30,698 --> 00:57:31,698 We talk. 731 00:57:31,824 --> 00:57:34,454 Why go out with Mark and Lydia on our anniversary anyway? 732 00:57:34,577 --> 00:57:37,827 If that's all that's bothering you, we won't go. 733 00:57:37,956 --> 00:57:42,666 But neither should we drive all the way to the hotel where we had our first tryst. 734 00:57:42,794 --> 00:57:46,884 Don't do that. Don't make something romantic sound infantile. 735 00:57:47,006 --> 00:57:50,176 OK, but it's the same level of maturity as sex on the floor. 736 00:57:50,301 --> 00:57:53,261 We might as well have it on the floor. We don't have it in bed. 737 00:57:53,388 --> 00:57:57,268 - I don't believe we're discussing this. - Why've you stopped sleeping with me? 738 00:57:57,392 --> 00:58:00,852 We are simply going through a less active period, that's all. 739 00:58:00,979 --> 00:58:02,519 It's not uncommon. 740 00:58:02,647 --> 00:58:05,107 Why? I just wanna know why. 741 00:58:06,067 --> 00:58:08,107 Why don't we just go to bed? 742 00:58:08,236 --> 00:58:11,606 There was a time that we were dying to be together. 743 00:58:13,408 --> 00:58:17,368 Marion, you're still the most desirable woman I know. 744 00:58:17,495 --> 00:58:21,745 But we won't make love tonight because there'll be some excuse. 745 00:58:24,752 --> 00:58:29,262 I hadn't realised how much of that had slipped away until today. 746 00:58:30,008 --> 00:58:34,848 I'm really sorry. If I've done anything wrong, forgive me. 747 00:58:35,596 --> 00:58:37,426 I accept your condemnation. 748 00:58:52,572 --> 00:58:54,782 You were a wonderful pupil. 749 00:58:54,907 --> 00:59:00,287 Certainly the most interesting one in my class. Still, the age difference... 750 00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:07,340 I love you. 751 00:59:07,962 --> 00:59:10,342 I love you too. 752 00:59:14,135 --> 00:59:16,795 - Happy birthday. - I told you not to bother. 753 00:59:16,929 --> 00:59:19,889 Oh, I wanted to. Open it. 754 00:59:23,728 --> 00:59:28,438 While you were out I read your paper. It was quite brilliantly written. 755 00:59:28,566 --> 00:59:33,106 It's your work that's brilliant. And more important, it's original. 756 00:59:34,572 --> 00:59:37,532 - What is it? From a play or something? - Yes. 757 00:59:37,658 --> 00:59:41,038 It's an original from a French production of "La Gioconda". 758 00:59:41,162 --> 00:59:44,212 - I love it. - I thought you'd like it. 759 00:59:44,332 --> 00:59:47,422 It was all I could afford from that great store. 760 01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,150 The following morning, 761 01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:17,448 I realised I'd forgotten to get an anniversary gift for Ken. 762 01:00:17,573 --> 01:00:21,413 I thought it would be a simple thing, but it took surprisingly long. 763 01:00:21,536 --> 01:00:25,116 The truth was I couldn't really think of what he might like. 764 01:00:25,248 --> 01:00:29,668 After window-shopping for an hour or so, I came across an old antiques store. 765 01:00:29,794 --> 01:00:33,214 At first I didn't think there'd be anything special for him there, 766 01:00:33,339 --> 01:00:36,299 but somehow I was drawn to look further. 767 01:00:36,425 --> 01:00:41,255 The place was empty and dusty, and in the back a radio was playing. 768 01:00:41,889 --> 01:00:46,979 It was full of odd pieces, and I found browsing in it quite fascinating. 769 01:01:19,260 --> 01:01:22,310 Excuse me. Are you all right? 770 01:01:25,391 --> 01:01:28,101 Thank you. I'm OK. 771 01:01:32,273 --> 01:01:34,483 Can I help you? 772 01:01:36,194 --> 01:01:41,284 I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I was... 773 01:01:41,407 --> 01:01:43,657 Thank you. 774 01:01:43,784 --> 01:01:48,584 Thank you. I was... I was just looking at that picture there, and I... 775 01:01:48,706 --> 01:01:51,126 And I just felt so sad. 776 01:01:51,250 --> 01:01:54,000 Oh, but this is a very optimistic work. 777 01:01:54,128 --> 01:01:58,668 You know, I saw the original of this once. In fact, its title is "Hope". 778 01:01:59,842 --> 01:02:05,062 I think, of all the paintings Klimt did in that period, this is the most positive. 779 01:02:06,057 --> 01:02:08,097 I'm sorry. 780 01:02:11,270 --> 01:02:13,110 Are you an artist? 781 01:02:13,231 --> 01:02:16,361 Yes. Well, I used to do some painting when I was younger. 782 01:02:16,484 --> 01:02:19,534 I was absolutely in love with this whole school. 783 01:02:22,448 --> 01:02:26,868 It's funny. Just this morning I was thinking about... that I missed painting. 784 01:02:26,994 --> 01:02:30,334 - I'd like to get back into it. - Really? 785 01:02:34,126 --> 01:02:36,956 I guess we all imagine what might have been. 786 01:02:38,297 --> 01:02:41,087 But that was a long time ago. 787 01:02:42,343 --> 01:02:44,683 Well, anyway... 788 01:02:47,390 --> 01:02:50,690 - Are you feeling better now? - Yes, I just wanna get some air. 789 01:02:50,810 --> 01:02:55,150 - What kind of paintings did you do? - Oh, watercolours, mostly. 790 01:02:57,358 --> 01:02:59,938 We left the store and walked along together. 791 01:03:00,069 --> 01:03:02,949 I wanted to know her better without seeming pushy. 792 01:03:03,072 --> 01:03:06,952 We talked about art, and the discussion seemed to cheer her a little. 793 01:03:07,827 --> 01:03:11,247 We stopped at a gallery and spent time marvelling at the pictures, 794 01:03:11,372 --> 01:03:14,502 and I took a chance and invited her to lunch. 795 01:03:14,625 --> 01:03:16,835 I was excited when she accepted. 796 01:03:16,961 --> 01:03:21,051 She suggested a little out-of-the-way place that was charming and private. 797 01:03:21,173 --> 01:03:25,473 We ordered a bottle of wine, although she hardly touched it, being pregnant. 798 01:03:25,594 --> 01:03:28,264 The result was that I wound up drinking most of it, 799 01:03:28,389 --> 01:03:34,269 and while I really wanted to find out about her, it was me who did most of the talking. 800 01:03:34,395 --> 01:03:35,805 Fifty. 801 01:03:37,398 --> 01:03:40,228 I didn't think anything of turning 30. 802 01:03:44,739 --> 01:03:47,449 Everybody said I would. 803 01:03:47,575 --> 01:03:50,655 Then they said I'd be crushed turning 40. 804 01:03:51,746 --> 01:03:55,536 But they were wrong. I didn't give it a second's thought. 805 01:03:57,960 --> 01:04:02,130 Then they said that I'd be traumatised when I hit 50. 806 01:04:04,008 --> 01:04:06,468 And they were right. 807 01:04:08,971 --> 01:04:11,561 I'll tell you the truth. 808 01:04:12,558 --> 01:04:16,308 I don't think I've ever recovered my balance since turning 50. 809 01:04:16,437 --> 01:04:18,937 Aw, gee, 50's not so old. 810 01:04:19,940 --> 01:04:22,440 No, I know it isn't, but... 811 01:04:23,861 --> 01:04:27,321 you just suddenly look up and see where you are. 812 01:04:27,448 --> 01:04:30,028 You're in a good spot, aren't you? 813 01:04:32,453 --> 01:04:34,913 Well, I thought I was. 814 01:04:36,957 --> 01:04:40,877 And then there's chances gone by you can't have back again. 815 01:04:41,003 --> 01:04:43,463 Well, like what? 816 01:04:44,006 --> 01:04:46,046 I don't know. 817 01:04:50,471 --> 01:04:53,311 Maybe it would be nice to have a child. 818 01:04:57,478 --> 01:04:59,808 You really think that? 819 01:05:04,485 --> 01:05:06,315 I do. 820 01:05:07,655 --> 01:05:11,275 I've never said it before, but I do. 821 01:05:13,494 --> 01:05:16,964 How arrogant! How self-centred and feelingless! 822 01:05:17,081 --> 01:05:18,921 I told you I didn't want a baby! 823 01:05:19,041 --> 01:05:21,381 What do you mean, "you didn't want a baby"? 824 01:05:21,502 --> 01:05:25,512 - It was partly mine. - Except it's my life that gets derailed. 825 01:05:25,631 --> 01:05:28,341 - I'm just destroyed! - You go on doing what you want... 826 01:05:28,467 --> 01:05:32,717 - and I have to stop and bring it up. - But we'd share the responsibility. 827 01:05:32,847 --> 01:05:36,227 - You know it would devolve down to me. - I wanted this baby! 828 01:05:36,350 --> 01:05:40,440 - I told you, it was not part of my plan. - But you did it without consulting me. 829 01:05:40,563 --> 01:05:42,613 Consulting you? It's my baby. 830 01:05:42,731 --> 01:05:46,651 Do I have to consult you for every move I make? It's only your ego that's hurt. 831 01:05:46,777 --> 01:05:49,607 - You said you wanted children. - I do, but not now. 832 01:05:49,738 --> 01:05:53,198 I don't have the future stretched out in front of me indefinitely. 833 01:05:53,325 --> 01:05:57,405 It's easy for you to say. You've done your work. I'm just starting out. 834 01:05:57,538 --> 01:06:00,878 I'm trying to make something of myself! It's not fair to the child. 835 01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:04,880 But you do it without asking me! Or giving me a chance to argue you out of it! 836 01:06:05,004 --> 01:06:06,924 I didn't want to be argued out of it. 837 01:06:07,047 --> 01:06:10,757 We've talked this to death! It was unwanted! 838 01:06:10,885 --> 01:06:14,965 Do you want to bring a child into this world, really? 839 01:06:15,097 --> 01:06:17,267 You're the one that hates it so much, 840 01:06:17,391 --> 01:06:20,691 forever lecturing me on the pointlessness of existence. 841 01:06:20,811 --> 01:06:23,861 - I hate you so! - Let me go! Stop it! 842 01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:27,071 I can't stand this anymore. Let me go! 843 01:06:27,193 --> 01:06:30,203 To be capable of such a lack of feeling! 844 01:06:30,321 --> 01:06:32,451 Knowing how I felt! 845 01:06:32,573 --> 01:06:34,703 Caring only about how you felt! 846 01:06:34,825 --> 01:06:37,905 Your career. Your life of the mind. 847 01:07:25,751 --> 01:07:29,211 I feel... I feel a little depressed. 848 01:07:31,090 --> 01:07:33,880 I met a really sad woman today. 849 01:07:34,635 --> 01:07:37,175 A woman you'd think would have everything. 850 01:07:37,304 --> 01:07:40,184 And she doesn't. She has nothing. 851 01:07:40,891 --> 01:07:43,641 And it made me feel frightened. 852 01:07:44,395 --> 01:07:46,355 Because I feel... 853 01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,480 I feel if I don't stop myself, 854 01:07:49,608 --> 01:07:54,068 as the years go by, I'm gonna wind up that way. 855 01:07:56,407 --> 01:07:59,077 She can't allow herself to feel. 856 01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:02,661 So the result is, she's led this... 857 01:08:03,497 --> 01:08:08,497 cold, cerebral life, and has alienated everyone around her. 858 01:08:10,337 --> 01:08:13,087 Well, you know, we've talked about this before, 859 01:08:13,215 --> 01:08:17,045 how I... how I only... only hear and see what I want to. 860 01:08:17,511 --> 01:08:20,721 That's exactly what she does. She... 861 01:08:20,848 --> 01:08:24,558 She's pretended for so long that everything's fine, 862 01:08:24,685 --> 01:08:28,515 but you can see clearly how... how lost she is. 863 01:08:31,025 --> 01:08:35,235 She had an abortion years ago, which she regrets. 864 01:08:35,362 --> 01:08:37,782 She rationalises it in many ways, 865 01:08:37,906 --> 01:08:43,076 but I think the truth is she was afraid of the feelings she would have for a baby. 866 01:08:44,496 --> 01:08:47,496 And she's a very bright woman, very accomplished. 867 01:08:48,083 --> 01:08:53,763 But like me, she... Well, you know emotions have always embarrassed me. 868 01:08:55,257 --> 01:08:58,047 I've run away from men who I felt threatened me, 869 01:08:58,177 --> 01:09:02,177 because the intensity of their passion just frightens me. 870 01:09:05,059 --> 01:09:10,059 I guess you can't keep deep feelings closed out for ever, you know, so... 871 01:09:10,189 --> 01:09:15,569 I just don't want to look up when I'm her age and find my life is empty. 872 01:09:25,871 --> 01:09:27,871 Anyhow, 873 01:09:27,998 --> 01:09:32,128 while we were at lunch, a very upsetting thing happened. 874 01:09:33,003 --> 01:09:37,763 In the midst of a conversation, she noticed her friend Lydia. 875 01:10:23,137 --> 01:10:25,137 Marion? 876 01:10:26,140 --> 01:10:28,480 You're late. 877 01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:31,650 I got you an anniversary present. 878 01:10:31,770 --> 01:10:35,190 I know it's tomorrow, but why don't you open it now? 879 01:10:40,237 --> 01:10:42,947 I didn't know what to get you. 880 01:10:49,455 --> 01:10:52,325 As I said, I always like an opera. 881 01:10:57,296 --> 01:10:59,046 Happy anniversary. 882 01:11:00,215 --> 01:11:02,885 Come on, let's get dressed. 883 01:11:05,679 --> 01:11:08,269 I'm not going anywhere. 884 01:11:08,390 --> 01:11:10,980 What are you talking about? 885 01:11:14,188 --> 01:11:18,978 I saw you and Lydia in the restaurant today. You didn't notice me, but... 886 01:11:20,110 --> 01:11:22,700 I watched the two of you. 887 01:11:24,865 --> 01:11:29,035 Afterwards, I went walking for a few hours to calm myself down. 888 01:11:32,289 --> 01:11:35,379 Actually, if I'd had any perception, 889 01:11:36,668 --> 01:11:39,708 I would've been suspicious from the start. 890 01:11:40,422 --> 01:11:43,262 Because you and I committed adultery for months 891 01:11:43,383 --> 01:11:46,053 when you were married to Kathy. 892 01:11:47,137 --> 01:11:50,057 That was a very different situation. 893 01:11:51,099 --> 01:11:53,439 I don't think it was. 894 01:11:59,233 --> 01:12:04,243 I guess it wouldn't mean much if I said to you that it's passing. 895 01:12:06,740 --> 01:12:08,740 It was never very serious. 896 01:12:10,244 --> 01:12:14,084 And it was, uh, utterly foolish of Lydia and myself. 897 01:12:16,124 --> 01:12:19,884 I feel sorry for you, Ken, because, in your way, 898 01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:22,513 you've been as lonely as I have. 899 01:12:26,176 --> 01:12:28,546 Have we been lonely? 900 01:12:31,640 --> 01:12:34,520 At least I've come to recognise it. 901 01:12:39,356 --> 01:12:42,726 The following days, I didn't get any work done. 902 01:12:42,860 --> 01:12:46,280 Mostly I walked the streets and just thought about my life, 903 01:12:46,405 --> 01:12:48,815 trying to put everything in order. 904 01:12:48,949 --> 01:12:51,409 I felt the need to talk to my brother Paul, 905 01:12:51,535 --> 01:12:55,575 who had made an important decision about his life too. 906 01:12:56,623 --> 01:13:00,213 Strange. Lynn and I go through hell and we're staying together, 907 01:13:00,335 --> 01:13:03,375 you and Ken never fight and you're breaking up. 908 01:13:05,007 --> 01:13:08,967 - So will you move out? Or will he? - Oh, no, I will. 909 01:13:10,178 --> 01:13:12,888 I really do want a clean start. 910 01:13:13,015 --> 01:13:16,435 I wanna do a lot of things differently. 911 01:13:16,560 --> 01:13:20,150 And that does mean between us, too. 912 01:13:21,481 --> 01:13:24,991 I'd like to spend a lot more time with you and Lynn. 913 01:13:25,527 --> 01:13:28,317 I'd like to get to know everyone. 914 01:13:29,990 --> 01:13:32,490 If that's OK with you. 915 01:13:47,925 --> 01:13:50,885 So was it Dad's fault? Did he do anything wrong? 916 01:13:51,011 --> 01:13:53,721 Oh, we both did, you know? 917 01:13:53,847 --> 01:13:56,927 I mean, I'm just as much to blame as anybody. 918 01:13:57,517 --> 01:14:00,397 - Maybe more. - Well, it's too bad, you know. 919 01:14:01,855 --> 01:14:06,605 I just wanted to make sure that the shock of it didn't upset you too badly. 920 01:14:06,735 --> 01:14:09,905 Well, I... to tell you the truth, I'm really... 921 01:14:10,030 --> 01:14:14,370 I'm not shocked, I'm just surprised, you know? I mean... 922 01:14:15,786 --> 01:14:20,866 If I can be honest, I always felt there was something between you two that was... 923 01:14:20,999 --> 01:14:26,759 I don't know. Maybe too comfortable, or... that's not the right word. I don't... 924 01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:29,720 Just something, you know? 925 01:14:31,009 --> 01:14:35,099 Well, I hope that this isn't going to have any bearing on us. 926 01:14:35,222 --> 01:14:37,522 I really value your friendship. 927 01:14:37,641 --> 01:14:40,061 Yeah, and I value yours. 928 01:14:51,029 --> 01:14:54,199 - Yes? - Hello. I'm your next-door neighbour. 929 01:14:54,324 --> 01:14:58,414 And I thought you should know that through some acoustical oddness 930 01:14:58,537 --> 01:15:01,957 - I can hear all your patients quite clearly. - Really? 931 01:15:02,082 --> 01:15:04,292 Well, thank you. I'll take care of it. 932 01:15:04,418 --> 01:15:07,588 I've had the problem before. I know what to do. 933 01:15:07,713 --> 01:15:12,433 By the way, you have a young woman that you see. The pregnant one? 934 01:15:12,551 --> 01:15:16,181 I wonder if you could tell me how I could get in touch with her. 935 01:15:16,304 --> 01:15:19,224 Oh, yes. She's terminated her treatment. 936 01:15:21,018 --> 01:15:24,018 She's gone away. I don't have any way of reaching her. 937 01:15:24,146 --> 01:15:26,516 I'm afraid I can't say any more. 938 01:15:29,609 --> 01:15:31,569 I resumed work. 939 01:15:31,695 --> 01:15:35,195 It went well, and I was undisturbed by extraneous distractions. 940 01:15:35,323 --> 01:15:38,953 The writing seemed to flow and I was full of energy. 941 01:15:39,077 --> 01:15:41,907 Once on a sunny morning, I paused for a break, 942 01:15:42,039 --> 01:15:46,919 and I thought I would look through Larry Lewis's novel, which I'd never read. 943 01:15:47,044 --> 01:15:49,804 I was curious about the character named Hlenka, 944 01:15:49,921 --> 01:15:52,471 which was rumoured to have been based on me. 945 01:15:52,591 --> 01:15:55,261 I opened the book, leafed through, 946 01:15:55,385 --> 01:15:59,135 and sat down as my eye was caught by her name. 947 01:16:06,772 --> 01:16:10,192 "Hlenka and I accidentally ran into one another one day 948 01:16:10,317 --> 01:16:13,567 "while we were both buying tickets to a concert. 949 01:16:13,695 --> 01:16:18,025 "I knew her because she was the lover of a man I knew quite well." 950 01:16:18,158 --> 01:16:20,578 "Recently they had decided to marry. 951 01:16:20,702 --> 01:16:23,252 "This was a catastrophe for me personally, 952 01:16:23,371 --> 01:16:26,751 "because from the first moment he'd introduced me to her, 953 01:16:26,875 --> 01:16:29,285 "I was in love with her. 954 01:16:29,419 --> 01:16:32,549 "I convinced her to have a drink with me." 955 01:16:32,672 --> 01:16:37,012 "It was the only time I'd ever been alone with her since we met. 956 01:16:37,135 --> 01:16:41,385 "She was lovely, and I spoke too much and too rapidly, 957 01:16:41,515 --> 01:16:44,475 "because I was embarrassed over my feelings toward her, 958 01:16:44,601 --> 01:16:47,521 "which I felt were painfully obvious. 959 01:16:49,231 --> 01:16:53,741 "We walked around in Central Park and talked about lots of things. 960 01:16:53,860 --> 01:16:59,280 "I told her about a book I was planning to write, and my wanting to live out west. 961 01:16:59,407 --> 01:17:02,487 "She spoke enthusiastically about her upcoming marriage, 962 01:17:02,619 --> 01:17:05,119 "but I thought it was too enthusiastic, 963 01:17:05,247 --> 01:17:09,457 "as if she were trying to convince herself rather than me. 964 01:17:10,335 --> 01:17:12,835 "Soon it began to rain. 965 01:17:13,380 --> 01:17:17,340 "We ducked into an underpass to avoid the cloudburst. 966 01:17:18,051 --> 01:17:20,931 "I remember thinking how wonderful she was, 967 01:17:21,054 --> 01:17:24,564 "and how beautiful she looked at that moment. 968 01:17:24,683 --> 01:17:30,443 "And I wanted to tell her so many things, because my feelings were swirling so. 969 01:17:30,564 --> 01:17:34,574 "And I think she knew everything, and that frightened her. 970 01:17:34,693 --> 01:17:39,363 "And yet some instinct told me that if I kissed her she would respond. 971 01:17:43,076 --> 01:17:45,866 "Her kiss was full of desire, 972 01:17:45,996 --> 01:17:50,496 "and I knew I couldn't share that feeling with anyone else. 973 01:17:54,004 --> 01:17:58,304 "And then a wall went up, and just as quickly I was screened out. 974 01:17:58,425 --> 01:18:03,595 "But it was too late, because I now knew that she was capable of intense passion 975 01:18:03,722 --> 01:18:07,432 "if she would one day just allow herself to feel." 976 01:18:09,936 --> 01:18:15,436 I closed the book, and felt a strange mixture of wistfulness and hope. 977 01:18:16,776 --> 01:18:19,776 And I wondered if a memory is something you have 978 01:18:19,905 --> 01:18:22,735 or something you've lost. 979 01:18:22,866 --> 01:18:27,616 For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.